I Want to be Great

I do. I'm sorry, but I'd be lying if didn't say it so...

Is it wrong? Is it uncommon? Hell, is it down right unhealthy? No, Yes, No...(Your answers may vary) That's just the way I feel, work, operate, think, move, react, but never in with a closeness to greatness, always a pursuit.

I may be a bit emotional, and by that I mean buzzed, but I just finished watching 44 minutes of good old, and I mean old, Barbara Walters, in her annual Oscar night special. But as someone still very new to "the business" I find it extrodinary helpful to hear those speak upon issues of their past, how they beat the odds, how they fought through every hardship to truly rise to the top of their field.

Some may say, trying to "make it big" is crazy and phase one should grow out of - like being an F.B.I. Agent or a marine biologist. To some extent, I wholeheartedly agree. After all, "making it big" has zero to do with being great or being successful. I just want to be clear, I do not want TMZ fame or accolades, I just want to be great at what I do, whatever that comes to be. I want to work hard, meet good people, make the right choices, and never be afraid, of anything.

Never Gonna Let You Down

So this may be the only millisecond that I have to write today, so it's gonna be a quickie.

However it's going to be a goodie...

Hope you enjoy!

Holy Shit, I'm going to Africa!

All right, so it's a mission trip of sorts, so maybe I should have omitted the "Shit," but shit, I'm going to Africa!!! (Damn, I did it again.)

I have known about this trip for roughly 4-5 months now, and it's not until July, but today I had to fill out my application online. Application, you ask? Is Africa currently taking applications? Well, in a sense, yes...I am going on Christian-oriented mission trip in which my childhood and current best friend Ashlie is leading.

http://africainjuly.blogspot.com/

She was my first girlfriend in 8th grade and is obviously still very close to my heart. Hell, I was in her wedding, although on the groom's side -- I look like shit in a strapless dress. (Damn, I did it again).

She has been married for over three years now and unable to conceive. Sad, yes, but not for her, and not for the hundreds if not thousands of lives she is or has already affected because of her choice to adopt! She's one of those amazing people who seems to excel at everything. You know the type! Damn, overachievers!

When filling out the application, I hit a moral speed bump of sorts. In order to be approved for the trip, two letters of reference are needed - no problem, I have a ton of reference sources, right? Wrong! I need two letters from a pastor, church leader, bible study leader, etc. I just counted over 385 contacts in my phone and not a single listing under God.

Yellow Pages anyone? Google, maybe?

Keep reading to find out if my heathen butt gets to Africa!

I'm back, and it feels kind of funny.

I mean, not funny like 'haha,' but funny like I have not done this in a very long time. I'm less worried about regaining readers, and more worried about not being able to find my voice, my tone, my goods, if you will.

I am not sure why I stopped writing in the first place. I only know it's like anything else in life, if it's hard or challenging, it's probably worth doing. It made absolutely no sense to quit writing my story when I did...My story being my life, no fiction needed.

I had just quit my job in advertising, to 'make it big' in the world of TV - as a TV host thank you very much! I would wait tables to pay the bills, while diving head(shot) first into the business that is simply known The Business.

Well good news and bad news: The bad news, I'm still waiting tables - the good news, I am the host of "Tap That," an online show that is all about the world of beer. Check it out @ www.tapthatny.com

More good news, I own a production company, with an amazing business partner I met while waiting those before mentioned tables and we've recently signed a development deal with a much larger production company here in NYC.

I'm not quite sure what the structure of this little blog is going to be, so bare with me in the beginning...baby steps.

Thanks for reading!

Scene I, Act I

They say the first 30 days are the hardest. At least I think they do, whoever they may be…September 30th marked the first month of the rest of my life. I can’t believe it went by so fast but I am certainly going to use that speed as a judge of how fast I need to make things happen.

The freedom that came with the first week post-job followed by the panic of the second week has all balanced out at this point. I found a job waiting tables at a very nice restaurant in Union Square. The place is busy and should make for what is an ideal set up.

As it seems, 80% of the staff seem to be actors, writers, singers, dancers, and everything else in between. Apparently I’m not the only person in the city who decided waiting tables is a great gig to have while looking for your next gig.

The people are great and certainly full of personality. Everyone seems to be very supportive of each other, as it seems everyone is in the same battle just taking on a different enemy. I have already heard the words “auditions,” “castings,” and “rehearsal” spoken between servers, which make it all seem so real. I am here, I am in this world…

A month ago I was using terms like EOD (End of Day) and “Hard Stop” (The time a meeting MUST end). There were the slacks and buttons-downs I wore as a uniform every day that has now given way to my ninja (all black slacks and shirt) uniform. Changes are clear and are probably only going to continue to happen…

My goal for the first month was to find a job seeing as though this city seems to run quite efficiently on the American Dollar and I was running out of them quickly! Well, mission accomplished…Next on the agenda is find out just what it is that I want to do, want I want to be, and how I’m going to make that happen.

This month will be a big transition month. The transition from office days to dining room nights, from weekend warrior to weekend worker, and from climbing a ladder to paving a path…

Thanks for listening

Order Up!

I suited up, double checked that I had everything, did one final look in the mirror to make sure everything was in place and then it was off to work. I was officially a man in uniform. I mean I’m not one of New York’s Finest or even one of New York’s Bravest…I’m one of New York’s Ninja’s!

That’s right I was wearing, and will continue to wear the uniform at least three or four nights a week, all black from head to toe. To the untrained eye I may look like a manic depressive, but no, in fact the all black uniform is usually a staple at most trendy, hot, sexy, (insert more adjectives here) restaurants in this city.

The first day went well but seemed a bit overwhelming at times. That’s usually the case with a new job. There seems to only be two different speeds at first. There is completely ludicrous speed accompanied with so much information your brain starts to swell and then there is slug speed because you’re a bit bored due to the fact you don’t know how to do anything. I guess that as the hours start to pile up, the two speeds seem to meet somewhere in the middle.

I spent most of the night in the kitchen, working and learning about the food from the executive chef. It’s the first time I’ve been in a restaurant kitchen in over two years but they’re all the same. They’re fucking crazy! There are a million moving parts that all seem to work together so that every Tom, Dick, and Jane in the dinning room gest what they ordered in a timely manner.

Throughout the night I did cruise through the dinning room. It’s a beautiful place with great lighting, great fixtures and the attractive clientele to match it. I’d be lying if there wasn’t a little tug at the reality string while I glanced at each table. That was me enjoying my cocktail and petit filet just a few weeks ago while talking business. Not anymore my friends. And after a minute of reminding myself why I made the choice I did, I was right back in where I wanted to be (mentally speaking), after all I was still at work.

Thanks for listening

Diving Encouraged

There is not a clear cut straight path to follow anymore. I gave that up weeks ago. There are no nicely painted signs showing exactly how much farther to the next destination. Hell, I don’t even have those lights that will illuminate in the case of an emergency directly me to the closest exit! (Don’t forget the closest exit may be behind you)

I supposed that’s one of the biggest changes I’ve had to accept with the new the life choice I’ve made. Sure, there are thousands of books and probably just as many experts offering their advice and expert opinions of how to get where I want to go…It’s not like I’m following a junior leadership program set up by the top management, all the time knowing I’m on the right track for success. That luxury ended just as fast as my former company’s contribution to my 401(k).

I have to admit it’s equally as excited as it is scary. My time in the corporate world was great, I did really enjoy it, up until the very end…It always came natural to me. How to act, how to carry myself, what to say, what not to say, it was all pretty easy. I think the biggest factor behind that was growing up with my mom playing the role of Mrs. Corporate America.

The story is a bit different now. Talk about uncharted waters. I have jumped into a world that is about as foreign to me as Christmas carols are to the Jihad! I’m guess the plan is to just keep searching, reading, asking, anyone, anything I can get a hold of to try and gain more knowledge about this industry. I guess I could continue to bullshit my way through this chapter in life too, but that might start to run out…

Thanks for listening