Monday, September 18, 2006

Keep on Keepin' on

It’s good to be back. I know I should have been back sooner but just couldn’t seem to get my ass in front of my computer with the intent to write. God knows it wasn’t because I haven’t had the time.

A lot has changed in the past few weeks. All the changes were certain and I knew were coming my way. I don’t deny that…only that I’m not sure if I knew exactly what these changes would actually feel like. We make changes in our life all the time. The small changes seem to happen quite frequently…new shampoo, a different flavor syrup at Starbucks, new hair style, while the larger changes, for obvious reasons are spread much farther apart.

My last day in the corporate world was August 30th, a Wednesday which means it’s been almost three weeks now. The first week was a wash as that Friday I flew to Houston to see the family and decompress before coming back to the city I love so much five days later. That means it was the middle of the week once my return flight landed and I sprinted out of the gates to pound the pavement to find myself a job!

I had for the previous few weeks been sending out resumes, cover letters, hell even pictures (New York restaurants are quite image conscious) to just about every restaurant from the Hedge Fund flooded Financial district to the Over-Stroller Populated Upper East Side. All of this really got be a whole lot of nothing…

The low point, as I’m sure it was for the rest of the city for much more heartfelt reasons was September 11th. It was a clear day, exactly the same type of weather that fell upon the city 5 years earlier. I woke up late after drinking too much the night before (the last thing I needed to do while being completely unemployed) and it hit me!

I quit my job, hit the eject button on my career, and honestly didn’t know when or where the next check was going to come from…Doubt started waving his nasty pointer finger from side to side all too close to my face. “What the hell was I thinking? How the hell am I going to be able to do this?”

All of these questions bum-rushing my brain set the rest of my body into a huge panic. Maybe not a huge panic, but just the “nothing tastes good, why do I keep waking up 55 times a night?” kind of panic. You know…the fun type!

However by weeks end and thanks to the amazing group of people I have in my life all was settled or at least much more manageable than Monday. My family and close friends have been more than I deserve. It’s like I have a 24 hour phone-a-friend line I can use whenever and however often I need it.

That day was a good day looking back because it was a real day. I needed to realize that this wasn’t going to be easy. If it were, wouldn’t more people take the chance? I don’t remember ever hearing an interview with a well established writer, singer, actor, producer who said…”ya know, the whole thing was pretty easy. It just sort of happen with very little effort or struggle.”

I now know that there will be bad days and probably even gut wrenching days where I might second guess my choice, but I also know there will be great days to follow. I made this life changing decision and plan on seeing it out to the end…

Thanks for listening

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